I Need to Share it

I'm in a great sadness. So sorry to share it to you, but I think I need to spill my mind and my feeling.

Remember my trip to Singapore 2 weeks ago? I was doing a procedure called IUI (Intra Uterine Insemination); some of you might familiar with this procedure. For those who don't know IUI, this is how it works :
I was taking medicine for several days to stimulate folicles in my ovarium, I also having some injections until I'm ovulate. After I'm ready; my husband has to produce his sperm, bring it to lab, and they will "washed" the sperm to get the best of it. After the sperm ready, those 'tadpoles' are injected to my uterus and then we just hope for the best.

It was quite a stressful experience; I have to see doctor everyday for about 10 days , I have to remember all the dose he gave me, I also have to face my fear with needle, and dealing with the 75% of failure. Everybody reminds me not to get so anxious and stress. But it's rather easier to speak, isn't it? So, I tried (hardly) to enjoy my 2 weeks in Singapore, pretended that I'm on holiday!

And yesterday, after 2 weeks of waiting for the result, I had to accept the fact that my first attemp of IUI is officially...FAILED! I had my period yesterday evening.

I'm the weak one, so I told my husband, and I just kept crying all night. I saw my husband so worried about me, he's afraid that I can't handle this. Though I know that he also quite sad, but he's so strong and keep calming me down, makes my mourning time lot easier.

That was last night, and I kinda make a deal to my self I can pity my self all night long ,but only for ONE night! Tomorrow is a new day. Well, I'll try my best. Today, I make decision for my next plan : I am taking a break, no pills, no injections, no med check, find some distraction, let go all the fears, have fun, and just keep believing in His path. Wish me luck !